A Bird's "I" View

After my first day working at the mortuary, I took quite the inventory of what motivates me in a work environment.  What qualities do I have that make me a valuable worker? What makes me feel like I am contributing to my work environment? How do I know if I am doing a good job? How do I know if I am the right fit for a job, or if it is the right fit for me?

The view from where I am now is a bit blurry. At least with teaching, I know what my strengths and areas of improvement are. However, what I did today is completely new topography.

My day was quiet, which is probably expected in this line of work. Since I am used to the buzzing of conversation from about 36 mouths who are trying to fill each other in on all the latest in sports, video games, or who's-dating-who (and the occasional chat about cheesecake), it is almost eerie to have minutes and hours at a time when I only hear one or two people's voice.   As much as I would get frustrated with the constant chatting and loud noises that only middle-school students make, I did enjoy the energy that my students brought into my classroom.  Because of this, answering the phone was such a treat for me today.  I loved chatting with people, even if it was with a doctor that tried to spell out a twenty-three-letter term to name the cause of death. It only took him three times of spelling it out in order for me to write it down correctly. With all the moments of potential frustration, I was still happy to be on the phone. 

In between some of the training and answering the phones, I was able to help set up a viewing for a family. After many years of living in a funeral home, I did not become involved with the deceased as much as I did briefly yesterday and even more today.  Sparing some details, I will say that I surprised myself.  Walking down the hallway before entering the back room, knowing what I was about to see, sent somewhat paralyzing tingles up and down my arms and back.  I was walking, but the rest of me was simply being carried down the hallway by the bottom half of my body. Then, I turned the corner, walked through the door, and I was there in front of something I had never seen before.  Surprisingly, I was fine.  More than that, I wanted to help take care of the deceased with her cuts, brusies, and all. I wasn't scared, which was very, very different for me.

Although I had many little successes of the day, there is still a huge part of me that doesn't know if this is the right fit for me. One of the main reasons for this is that I already miss teaching, and it hasn't even been a week since school's been out.  Time will tell.  I want to be as honest with myself as possible. I want a clearer view of what my map looks like before I land. From where I am and what I see, it is difficult to know.